a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drunk is not a location!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
