Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize