Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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