A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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