Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize