I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
