While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
