Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
