allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Apparently you make a good broom.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
