oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
