I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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