she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
