I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
