i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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