When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
