you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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