Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize