I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
