thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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