"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
