So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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