The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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