We won't sleep together?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
