You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
