Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
