i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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