So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize