Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize