From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
