I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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