I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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