it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize