I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
