I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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