Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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