Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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