it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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