I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
