Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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