No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
