He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
