So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
