apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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