That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
