Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
