all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
