please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize