Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
