I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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