so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
