Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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