but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
