after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
