I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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