apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
