all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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