I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
