the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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