i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
