I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
