So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
