Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
