I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
