I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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