woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
